new beginnings..old endings

once again another weekend passes by and i get absolutly nothing done that induces my creative expansion. i hate that...of course saturday i was a cleaning robot and i hate that once i set out to just pick up the house i end up wiping down the walls and vacuming out the toaster oven. i have to learn to not turn my "SPAZTIC CLEANING" swith on so much. I don't think it's OCD but rather a sick quick fix of feeling accomplishment.
Sunday was Saint Josephs Day, the Slowly dying Sicilian holiday for celebrating your poorness! (at least thats what i call it)..."Well how would you like it if you were deamed the patron saint of the poor!". my nana had brought a chunk of pictures of past St. J's days and i couldn't get over the fact that our feasting table had shrunk about half the size from what it was in the 1970's....this is when my dad said that it was up to me to keep the tradition running when they die...that just freaked me out a little considering i can't cook to save my life and that side of the family is a bit distent to my personal culture....maybe i'll turn it into my own tradition somehow!..i guess we'll have to see what happens.
How do you feel about moving? quite fankly it scares me shitless. mainly because i'm afraid of leaving my parents, they are my everything and i see some of my freinds and even my husband and how they never got a great family life, so i think i have a great blessing that i can't leave. what would i do if i couldn't just drive to their house to hang out or pick up my mom to have a craft store outing. You mine-as-well just put me in the looney bin then. on the other hand the pressure of leaving buffalo for possible better opportunity is again put on my shoulders. Do i want to experience a different culture? "YES of course, who wouldn't"....but do i want to leave my life that i have now, in the dust? "NO WAY".....whats a girl to do?

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